Building Relationships (updated 04.03.2021)
Supporting relationships through reconciliation, forgiveness, apology and meeting relational needs
The learning process
Relational choices
Behaviour that puts your relationship at risk
Emotional needs
Do you know what your emotional needs are?
Love Language
The Emotional Cup
Common behaviour patterns when relational needs are not met
Good listening
Bad listening
Teaching and courses
Relationship course to build professional teams
Courses for schools
Four session course for students 15yr plus
Results of parenting programme
Using the material on this web site
Questionaire - how do you want to be loved?
We all want to be loved in a specific way. This questionaire will help you identify how you want to be loved. It will be very useful for couples and parents
Questionaire - What are your emotional needs?
We all have emotional needs. What are they? This questionaire will help you identify your emotional needs.
Love Language Questionaire for teenagers
This questionaire will help the teenager to identify how he/she wants to be loved
Love Language mystery game
This game will help pre-teenagers to identify how they want to be loved
Communication quiz - exploring gender differences
#good communication is vital for a good relationships. How good is yours?
Stepfamilies - some issues and myths to consider


Why apologise?

When ever you hurt someone you create a relationship barrier. How do you get rid of this barrier to restore the relationship? You have to apologise. When you apologise you achieve several things:-
1. Remove the relationship barrier as far as you can from your side. (Of course if the hurt person choses not to forgive you they then maintain the barrier and the relationship at best remains static or deteriorates.)
2. Removes Guilt. When you deliberately hurt someone you will experience guilt. Guilt can only be removed by apologising. If you hold on to guilt there can be very serious negative long term physical, emotional and spiritual consequences (see section on "Emotional Cup")
3. Helps the hurt person to forgive. It is always easier to forgive if you have received a proper apology.

How do you apologise?

To apologise is more than saying sorry. Different people are looking for different things in an apology. There is a language of Apology. (See diagram below) Research shows that 70% of couples have different languages of apology. 15% of couples the language of one is the least important to the other and visa versa. So the language of apology is very much like the Love Language (See section)

EXERCISE - What are your preferred langauges of apology. Guess what is the main language of your partner/colleague etc. If in doubt use all 5 languages of apology when making an apology. You will be amazed at the positive outcome.

EXAMPLE: Scenario: Late for meeting with colleague. An apology, using all 5 languages to cover your bets, could go something like this... Fred, am I so sorry I was late for the meeting. I know if I were in your position I would have been pretty fed up because I felt that I had made the effort to be on time despite my busy schedule. Look I dont have any excuse I just did not get my act together. Why dont I buy you a drink at the bar after work. I know I am not very good at keeping time. Next time you arrange a meeting would you be kind enough just to e-mail me in the morning to remind me as I dont want to be late in future. I am so sorry . I hope you will accept my apology!

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