If our relational needs are met we feel good. If they are not met we will feel bad.
Each of us have different relational needs in different order of preference.
Below are ten key needs that most of us require to be met if we are to feel good. Each word will
mean something slightly different to different people.
Choose your 3 top needs from the list of ten below. Then guess what the 3 top needs are of someone who is close to you (business colleague, family member etc) Ask the person to do the same thing guessing your needs as well as selecting their own top 3 needs. Then compare the results. If you correctly guess 2 out of the top 3 of the other person you are doing really well. Most of us only manage to guess 1 correctly. In practice that means that most of the time we are either unaware of the essential needs of other person, or we think we know but infact are focusing on less important needs.
When you have identified each others needs then you say exactly how you want them to be met in practical terms. For example affection may be important need, but one of you wants affection expressed mainly by encouraging words while the other needs affection to be expressed through physical touch.
So do it now with someone you know and make the decision to really try to meet the needs of the other person and in the way they want them met. If this is done by both people concerned then there will be a dramatic improvement in the relationship.